She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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