Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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