OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
