I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
