You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
