is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
