I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
