Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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