do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
