worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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