Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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