someone threw a dead crab at me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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