Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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