He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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