Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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