No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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