I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
