Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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