I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
