mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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