Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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