In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My hand turned me down
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
