Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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