He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
