so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
