so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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