Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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