Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
