dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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