Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
