chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
