When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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