One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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