see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize