Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
