he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
