Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Drunk is not a location!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
