SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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