And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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