If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
