Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
