Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm passing your future prison.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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