Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
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So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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