new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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