I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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