I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He did a backflip because drugs
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