You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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