Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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