He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
