So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
