It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
