I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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