my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
