epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I didn't notice because vodka
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize