even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
