Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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