will power is for people who don't want to get laid
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
