A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
