So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
