I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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