This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
