If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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