Where did you get a picture of my penis
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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