You can't special order awesome
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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