Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize